What is your first reaction when you see someone who looks homeless, standing at a street corner with a sign asking for money?
If you pass someone who looks homeless in the parking lot on the way to a store, do you look them in the eye and say “hi,” or do you look away and try to avoid them?
HOW DOES SOMEONE BECOME HOMELESS?
Imagine that you are married with 2 children and working a job that supports your family. One day you get a call at work that your wife was in a car accident and passed away. You are full of grief and go through the motions of planning her funeral and taking care of your children the best way you know how. Everyone who came around after her death to support you and cook meals for you has now gone back to their normal daily routines. You may have someone check in here and there. She used to do everything. You are now learning as you go.
A few months go by, and you receive the news that your Mom is very sick. She has been helping out more after your wife passed, but is now fighting her own battle. By the end of the year, she has passed and you attend her funeral. She raised you as a single Mom as your Dad was an alcoholic and in and out of your life. Two deaths so close together is very hard on you. Your work has been slipping at your job with all that you have had going on. You feel like you are under a microscope at work. You used to have a glass of wine or two at dinner. You start drinking beer and notice that it helps to numb the pain.
You begin to not feel well and go to the doctor. The tests come back, and you have been diagnosed with cancer. The drinking begins to increase. You forget to pick up your kids after school here and there, and they don’t have much to eat for lunch because you have not been able to get by the store. Others start to notice your drinking. You receive a call from CPS. Someone has called out of concern for the children. They decide to place your children in temporary foster care so that you can focus on healing and go through an alcohol detox program.
With all that’s been going on, you have not stayed on top of the bills. You have taken too much time away from work and when you are there, your work has not been what it used to be. They decide to let you go. With no income and behind on bills, you are evicted from your house.
YOU ARE NOW HOMELESS . . .
You are ashamed to let people know what happened to you. There are a few close friends who reach out to ask if you need help. One lets you sleep on their couch. The others “loan” you money or buy you food. When you tell them what is happening, they start recommending things and places that they have heard about, or know someone that got help through a particular program. You reach out; however, are told you have to call a number to an agency that is set up as an entry point to any services you could possibly receive. After an hour waiting for them to answer, they come on the line and take down your information. They ask where you are currently staying and you say a friends couch. They reply that you are technically not homeless and they do not have any services that can assist you since you do not fit their definition of someone who is homeless.
After some time, your friends stop loaning you money and politely tell you that they need their house back. They thought it was only going to be temporary and you have now overstayed your welcome. You start to feel judged by your friends and family.
- Why can’t you just get a job? McDonald’s will hire anyone. You must not be trying.
- They don’t want to give you any more money because they don’t see an end to your need.
- There are tons of services out there for people in your circumstances. You must not be reaching out to them.
They don’t know what to do with you. They can’t relate. They could when you were married, healthy, living in a house, had a family and had a job. They just can’t understand why you can’t get back on your feet. It can’t be that hard.
You end up living on the streets. It’s January and 32 degrees outside. You find out about white flag nights and go to a local church. They point you to the shelter. It’s not the best place, and there are a lot of people there that scare you, but it is inside and you are so happy to have a place to sleep indoors! The next morning you get up to go to the bathroom and when you get back, you realize your phone and wallet are gone. You have to leave the shelter during the day. You have no ID and no money. You find a sign and write “Need Help. Hungry” on it. A few people come by and give you a few dollars. You can get something to eat!
It’s now nighttime and 40 degrees. You are cold. You are mad. You are sad. What happened to your life? How can you get back to where you were? You call the agency you reached out to again. You now meet their definition of being homeless. They update your information. They ask you if you have anyone that you know that will let you stay on their couch. They don’t have any programs for someone who is homeless, only for those who are in a temporary location to prevent them from being homeless. You are stunned. You go down to another agency that is set up to help folks who are homeless or about to become homeless, and speak to a community outreach counselor. After being inundated with questions, they tell you there is a 100 day wait before you can receive a referral for housing services due to how many people have applied, and it could take months or years to receive a Section 8 voucher, and when you do receive it, good luck finding someone to rent to you!
Weeks go by and you are tired of being out in the cold and eating the highly processed, expired and junk food that folks will give you. Your stomach hurts from eating all the bad food. The others who are homeless welcome you into their community. There is a lot of alcohol, drugs and drinking. You realize the drinking helps the pain and to weather the environment you are now in. You give up. You tried for six months now to get into a program or receive any type of help and the doors keep getting slammed in your face. Your family and friends from your past ignore you. The only friends you have now are others who are homeless. There is a lot of pressure to drink. They will buy you alcohol and junk food! They will share a tent with you and check in on you.
You are now on the corners with a sign begging for money to get something to eat and stay in a hotel room. You can only think in terms of an hour or a day at a time. You know hotel stays are expensive – the cheapest hotel costs over $2,000 per month. You can’t think in those terms though. That’s too long-term. You are on a day by day basis. You steal a sandwich from the store and are caught. You are taken to jail – where you receive a roof over your head and food to eat! After a week in jail, they release you – out into the 90 degree heat now – with nothing but the clothes on your back. There was a time you could work, but now you have a criminal record. You surrender to being homeless the rest of your life. You find something appealing about it – you can do what you want, when you want, and on your own terms. That’s the only control you have left over your life.
Someone comes up to you and hands you a bag lunch. They talk to you and tell you there are resources out there that can help you. You don’t believe them. You have been on the streets for over a year now and have gone down that route. The resources you have tried have frustrated you. You never fit into the mold of what they said they could help, and the wait to receive services seems unachievable. All you are interested in right now is money to buy something to eat, alcohol to numb the pain, and a hotel room to sleep in.
This is a very typical person that we meet each Saturday at the bus stop. It took months to begin building the trust and relationships that begin to bring the walls down. It took taking the folks we would meet to the services to “see” what they were experiencing. It took a lot of listening, time and patience to let them know that we “see” them and we have made a commitment to come alongside them – as a sister or brother to them, and as an outreach coordinator to the resources we talk with. We are their advocate, their voice, when they have lost theirs. It takes time, and is a very long path – but it is an upwards path, and once they begin to “feel” that hope again, it is the most wonderful thing to witness – their light being turned back on!