8: 22 – 25 There was a lake where Jesus was teaching. He looked around and asked his disciples to cross to the other side of the lake. They all got into a boat and took off. As they were sailing, Jesus settled in for a nap. A fierce storm came down on the lake and the boat began filling up with water. They were in real danger. The disciples woke Jesus up shouting, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” When Jesus woke up, he rebuked (expressing sharp disapproval of) the wind and the raging waves. Suddenly the storm stopped, and everything was calm. Then Jesus asked his disciples, “Where is your faith?” They were terrified but amazed at the same time. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “When he gives a command, even the wind and waves obey him!”
Jesus’s disciples were in the midst of a storm that scared them. Fearing for their lives, they freaked out and woke Jesus up. Jesus demonstrated full authority over the wind and waves by calming the storm. Had his disciples genuinely trusted Jesus, they would not have feared even the fiercest winds and waves. But who can do this? We are human and we have genuine fears. Over time, some of our fears can lead to triggers and automatic reactions to certain types of stress. To others, it may seem silly and like something that is easy to control, but to the person experiencing it, it is very scary, and they can turn to learned behaviors, such as food, drugs, alcohol and more, as a way to cope with the stress.
I wish I could bottle up how I felt several years ago when I got out of an emergency surgery days after quitting a stable job to start a new business, only to realize that I was going to need time to heal and all the plans I had for the business were going to have to wait. That led to getting behind on bills and a notice served by a sheriff stating that we were in foreclosure status – again, and there would be another sale date on our home – and I now had no income coming in at all! The feeling of defeat, being overwhelmed, lost and scared does not even scratch the surface of how I felt. It shut me down and the anger stayed with me for a very long time. I turned to food to relieve the stress and that took a toll on my physical health and healing, which made things worse.
I then wish I could bottle up how I felt at the end of 2021 when I spoke to my mortgage company, after applying for a Cap and Extend program following COVID, and being told for a year that everything would be OK and it all looked good for me to be approved, only to find out that it wasn’t good, we did not get approved, even a regular modification was denied, we were a week away from the end of the program, and we could be losing our home – and this time, we had finally gotten back on our feet and were doing very well financially. It was our past history that was hurting us, and not our current financial status. There was an initial feeling of defeat, anger and of being scared about the outcome; however, it was quickly replaced with letting it all go and handing it over to God.
I thought about my past history that brought us to that point and asked God to forgive me for all the bad decisions I had made over the years that led us to being denied. Instead of being angry, I realized my part in what happened and decisions that I had made that looking back, would have had a better outcome if I had not made them out of fear and anger. I viewed whatever the outcome was as an opportunity. If we stayed in the house, that would be great, and would give me an opportunity to make better decisions moving forward for the financial stability of our family. If we lost the house, we could move around as we were all virtual with work and school, and could live anywhere, and I vowed to make better financial decisions for my family in this outcome as well. I told God that I trusted him and love him and will accept with gratitude, whatever the outcome is, knowing that it is part of my path. I can’t see the whole path – just the part that I’m currently on, but he knows the whole path. I vowed that whatever I feel hurt by, or if something does not go the way I would like, rather than focus on the pain and not getting my way, I will keep my focus on God and continue to learn, and pray, and to walk through life with God by my side. By some miracle, we were accepted into some type of Cap and Extend/Modification program – the very programs that denied us several times.
The two scenarios are the same. Circumstances happened that blindsided us and we found ourselves faced with losing our home. Defeat and anger were felt both times; however, in the second experience, it was not as intense, it did not shut me down and I felt a very calm presence with me through it all. Internally, I knew it would be OK, even though I didn’t know how. I put my faith in God and let him work out the details. I just kept talking to him every day, read the Bible bit by bit each day, and listened. When the fears would start to surface, I would talk to God and ask him if everything was OK and if there was anything I needed to do. I would ask him to take away the fear as that is not from him, and allow me to feel his warmth and love instead, and then I would listen. There were times where I found myself going back to old habits and eating comforting, sugary processed foods when the stress would come up; however, I started to be able to recognize when I was doing it and I was able to slow down or stop and turn towards healthier foods. I could still function and think, and I slept very well at night.
Jesus can calm our storms. We just have to get out of the way and let him! We also have to be all in with having faith. We can’t have faith at the beginning and then take back the reigns (ask me how I know. I’ve done this way too many times with not so good results!).