Luke 9: 37-43
The next day, after they came down from the mountain, they were met with a large crowd. A man in the crowd called out to Jesus, “Teacher, I beg you to look at my son, my only child. An evil spirit keeps seizing him, making him scream. It throws him into convulsions so that he foams at the mouth. It batters him and hardly ever leaves him alone. I begged your disciples to cast out the spirit, but they couldn’t do it.”
Jesus said, “You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you and put up with you?” Then he said to the man, “Bring your son here.” As the boy came forward, the demon knocked him to the ground and threw him into a violent convulsion. Jesus rebuked the evil spirit, healed the boy, and gave him back to his father. People were amazed as they saw this majestic display of God’s power.
Jesus performed many miracles while he was alive, walking around to the different towns and teaching. His disciples witnessed them over and over – and he even gave them power to do the same. Not only were the disciples amazed at all they witnessed, but the crowds were as well. Over and over, Jesus performed miracles, bringing about amazement to his disciples and people, and they continued to follow him around wanting to see more and to bring others to him to be healed. Jesus was getting frustrated though. He knew he would not be here much longer as his time to be crucified was coming very soon. He taught his disciples, and they witnessed some amazing things, with the hope that they would continue what he came to do, but everyone seemed more caught up in all the miracles he was performing. Disappointed in his disciple’s inability to cast out the demon, Jesus asked that the son be brought to him, and he just did it.
On one of my many searches for God, I walked into a Science of Mind church. I grew by leaps and bounds there and experienced some amazing things that I just could not explain. Looking back, God was pricking my heart to turn towards him through Christ; however, I was too wrapped up in all that I was experiencing and the Wow factor to actually hear and follow the message. I wanted to understand it logically. What was the amazing light that I witnessed? Where did it come from? Why was I experiencing it? Was it a glimpse into heaven? That was so cool! Can “I” do it again?
All the healings that I witnessed, even my own, after experiencing what I refer to as a miracle, I would question it. What was happening inside the body? Is there something that “I” did to make this happen? Is this something that can be replicated? That was so cool! Can “I” do it again?
I stayed focused on the wrong thing. I wanted to understand from a logical standpoint something that only required faith – not an intellectual understanding of it. I became frustrated when I could not understand what was happening. I wanted to tell everyone about what I experienced, but had no answers into the “why” it happened, so got stuck. Eventually, all the wonderful experiences disappeared and life got a hold of me and would not let go. I went through some very dark times, and became angry. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom and God pricked my heart again – and this time, I was so knocked down that I had no choice but to listen.
I wish I could say that I saw the light, allowed Christ in my heart and my whole life turned around and was bliss. That is so far from the truth though. I did feel the prick from Christ and I did agree to stop, and listen. The things of the world that I held so tightly on began to crash all around me. Looking back, I can now see Christ’s plan through all that happened. Having a comfort zone pulled away – even an unhealthy one, and inspected piece by piece and shown my part in it – even in a very loving way – IS ONE OF THE TOUGHEST THINGS TO GO THROUGH. But it was so worth it.
Growing up, my Mom and I would joke around about all the craziness that seemed to be embedded in my life experiences. She would say that I was wearing out my guardian angel, and we would picture this angel in the form of a woman shining in a bright light with large beautiful wings, and then after one of my life experiences, there are holes in the wings, the angel has bandages all over her and it looks like she has been through a land mine, with smoke following her as she walks.
When I read what Jesus said to his disciples, “You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you and put up with you?” I felt that. I really felt that. I am very hard headed and stubborn. I hold onto things, pull them apart and inspect every little detail. I research the heck out of things. Jesus pricked my heart several times – over and over. He never left me – even when I abandoned him and wanted nothing to do with him. He would leave me to my own will for periods at a time, but he always came back, pricking my heart again, loving me and reaching his hand out to me to take and trust in his ways over my own. I am so glad that I finally took his hand and walked with him through all the bumps that came my way, and that I still experience through life’s crazy twists and turns – and through all the bombs and roadblocks Satan throws along my path.
I remember going to my pastor one day very upset with someone and feeling very wronged by them. I was so caught up in the feelings of hurt and anger that I allowed it to stew inside me and take over. I remember sharing my anger and frustration and once it was all out and he started reading from Romans 8. After that, anytime I spoke, I felt my jaws lock up and began to feel very uncomfortable and self conscious about how I may look. I’ve always tried to keep things together and keep a smile on my face. There was an internal battle happening within me that I felt coming out physically and I just wanted it to stop.
After what seemed like a lifetime, I felt something come out of me and I experienced a calm that I had not felt before. I can relate to what Jesus did with the boy as I felt that as I was sitting there listening to scripture and trying to maintain composure while experiencing an internal battle and then feeling a release of pent up anger, disappointment and frustration. As uncomfortable as it was for me to experience that, I am grateful for it as I was then able to then see my part in all my past frustrations, acknowledge my decisions and actions as my own without any buts (but, this or that happened and I reacted as a result), all in the loving arms of Christ who surrounded me with the most amazing life as I worked through these one-by-one.