Luke 21 – 27
Jesus warned his disciples not to tell anyone who he was. He was not ready to present himself openly as the Messiah as at that time. The people expected the Messiah to overthrow the Roman government. Jesus was sent to spread God’s word, heal the broken and sick, suffer and be rejected by the religious leaders and eventually be killed and raised from the dead. He told them, “The Son of Man must suffer many terrible things. He will be rejected by the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He will be killed, but on the third day he will be raised from the dead.”
Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed? If anyone is ashamed of me and my message, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in his glory and in the glory of the Father and the holy angels. I tell you the truth, some standing here right now will not die before they see the Kingdom of God.”
The words “What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?” really stuck with me. I would not say that I had gained the whole world, but that doesn’t mean that I did not try. My focus had been on being wronged by others, never having enough money, always struggling, which led to desires of obtaining wealth and a material lifestyle that would somehow turn things around. I kept thinking, “if” or “when” I get this or that or achieve this or that . . . then I will finally be happy and it will be worth all the crap that I went through. I had a saying to get me through challenges and hard times – KARMA! I would reason that whoever did me wrong would eventually pay for it and receive the Karma they deserved for what they did, and that I would get a big bowl of popcorn and just watch it all unfold. That all came from pure anger, hurt and frustration. I was on a mission to gain the whole world and I was very lost and destroyed.
I was ashamed of Jesus and his message, in fact, if I heard someone just mention the name Jesus, or talk about sin, repentance or judgment, I felt very uncomfortable and would do my best to leave the conversation or the environment. I am so grateful that even with those thoughts in my mind, that he continued to prick my heart and offer me his love!
I have learned that to be a true follower of Jesus, I had to put limitations on my own desires and interests. Putting others first was easy for me to do; however, recognizing the desires and interests that come from my triggers, and not acting upon them, was VERY hard! This is a practice that I’m still working on, and I realize that I will never be perfect, but I have something to help me that was not there before, and that I actually ran from – Jesus. I think about his awareness that he was not just going to die, but to die by being hung on a cross. He would endure the pain of having nails hammered through his wrist, while hanging almost naked, in front of a crowd of people. That had to be very painful and humiliating – and he knew that it was going to happen, but continued to spread love, teach and heal others. Jesus said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me.” Taking up my cross daily was essentially learning to lose my own life – my desire to live for things of this world, and with all the anger, frustration and pain inside of me, constantly guiding my thoughts, decisions and behaviors – to laying all this down at his feet – all the stress, the anger, the frustrations and disappointments, the challenges, the triggers – and walk through life with Jesus by my side.
When I feel wronged by another or challenged by a situation, or when I feel a trigger coming on and I want to react, to first recognize it and to talk to God and ask him to please take my hand and walk with me through whatever I’m experiencing. Yes – I still have feelings of anger, disappointment, and frustration. The triggers are still there and stress – well that does seem to be a part of life. The difference now is that I’m not walking through all of this on my own, trying to control all that happens to me – that just does not work – at all!!! Jesus is with me and surrounds me with love and just the knowing that although it just sucks and I am going to experience life, and it does hurt sometimes, that no matter what, – he knows – he can see what I am going through, and he surrounds me with the most amazing love I have ever felt – a love that is not like any other I have experienced!
Jesus taught that no matter how wealthy a person was in this life, he will be bankrupt eternally if he dies without Christ. I did not get this growing up, but I so understand it now! That is not only true after I die, but while I’m alive as well! It is very hard to give up material things when we have an attachment to them, and they define who we are. To me, it is equally hard when we do not feel wealthy or have a lot of material items as our attachments become our thoughts and victim mentalities. We can say we don’t have an attachment to things, but I guarantee that there is something or someone in your life – or even a thought, that you are attached to. I still have them and at times, can recognize them when they pop up. Other times, it takes me a bit longer – and usually some amount of perceived suffering, until I can see and recognize the attachment.