9: 1 – 6
After several months of following Jesus around and observing his ministry, Jesus called the disciples together and gave them power and authority to cast out all demons and to heal all diseases. He sent them out to teach about God’s kingdom and to heal the sick. He instructed them to take nothing with them on their journey: “Don’t take a walking stick, a traveler’s bag, food, money, or even a change of clothes. Wherever you go, stay in the same house until you leave town. And if a town refuses to welcome you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.”
The disciples humbled themselves in front of those they met by not bringing along any possessions. When they met someone who was in the midst of life’s challenges, they were there to love them and teach them about God – about someone who, if they opened their heart to, could walk through the challenges with them so that they would not have to walk alone, trying to control their life experiences on their own. Had they brought anything with them, it could have put a damper on their ability to focus on the other person as opposed to their belongings.
Today, we have cellphones that we carry around with us everywhere we go. Imagine coming across someone who is in the midst of a tough life challenge and wanting to help that person. Imagine having your cellphone with you and as you are listening to them tell you what they are going through, your phone rings, or you receive notifications. That can instantly break your concentration and limit your ability to give them your full attention, which can be felt by the other person. Now, imagine if you had that same conversation without your cellphone (or putting it on do not disturb and putting it where you can’t see it). Your full attention is now on that person. Listening this way can be felt by the other person and is one of the greatest ways you can really love someone who is going through a tough time.
But what about those who did not welcome the disciples? Jesus instructed them to shake the dust from their feet as they leave to show that they had abandoned those people to their fate. This seemed very harsh to me when I first read it. I have had a huge soft spot for helping others. When I saw or heard of someone in need, I jumped into save mode and my main goal was to take their pain away and see them thrive! What I learned over the years is that this is not really helping them. If anything, it is enabling them to stay where they are. I am not God and I cannot put myself in that role and try to make anything happen.
I had to see it from another perspective to really understand it. I have been financially struggling for many years. I have experienced heartache and pain from others. Looking back, I took those negative experiences, turned them into anger, stored them deep within me, built up a wall of protection around me and would not let anyone in for a fear of getting hurt worse. I took matters into my own hands because I could not trust anyone. I became a victim of life. Along the way, we had others and programs to help us. As grateful as I was for these people and the programs, there was something inside of me that felt justified for that help. After all, I was struggling. I thought that people could see the struggles as they were so obvious to me, and because of that, they should help. I started to expect help. I would go to the doctor when I was not feeling well and would receive care. There was a cost for that care though. The bills would come in and, in my mind, I would justify not paying them because I was struggling financially due to (insert any number of life experiences up to that point), and they should know that. The calls from collectors would then come in and I was annoyed when they would call and the persistence they had, which is ironic because I was the one who sought out the doctor for care – but they should know that I’m struggling and all that has happened in my life, how I’ve been wronged so many times and that because of all that, I just can’t pay.
This cycled around many times in my life through many different scenarios. I found myself in victim mode. That is a very easy place to get to, and one that is very tough to get out of. The more I hid behind my wall and felt like a victim, the worse things got around me. Looking back, I could see where God tried to reach out to me. I had some wonderful and amazing experiences where I felt loved and very supported by something outside of myself. Internally, I knew it must be coming from God, but I didn’t understand it and instead of focusing on how wonderful it was and wanting to learn more, I questioned it. I then applied my victim mentality towards what I was experiencing. I would think, “I am a good person and I care for others, so this is my karma coming back to me in a good way. I give love and therefore, I receive love.” What I didn’t realize then, was that God was pricking my heart and I just could not receive it the way it was intended, so God left me to my own will and desires, and life would get hard again, and I would miss all the wonderful experiences and love that I felt when he pricked my heart.
God would come back again and again over the years, through different people and experiences, but I was not really ready yet. I was too comfortable with the wall I had built up around me, with the foundation built out of years of anger, frustration and disappointment. I was not willing to give all that up and venture into the unknown – without my wall of comfort, where I knew how everything worked and I was in control of what happened in my life. I learned that when God reaches out, he will prick your heart and try to reach you for a bit. If you ignore him and rely on your own self to get through life’s challenges, he will leave you to your will, which looking back in my experiences, is when things start to fall apart again. I wish I had answered his calling sooner; however, I was very hard headed and rebellious and really wanted to do life on my own. I somehow thought that would keep me from having to experience more pain.
When I think about it this way, I can understand Jesus’s instructions to his disciples to shake the dust from their feet as they leave to show that they had abandoned those people to their fate. A person can’t change if they are not actually willing to make the change. No matter how much they desire the change and want the change, they must do what is necessary to actually make the change – and to be consistent – and that is very hard work! It means coming out of comfort zones – even the places that are not good for us, but are all we know, and learning a new way of walking through life with God, as Jesus taught. It means stepping out in faith and feeling completely naked – in front of the whole world and facing all the demons that we allow to play with us and our minds – one by one. It is not a quick fix, at least it was not for me. It was several years of being vulnerable, learning, reading, talking with God, praying, sliding back into my comfort zone here and there and then reemerging – again – picking back up where I left off and being vulnerable again, learning, reading, talking with God, praying and facing my demons. The process was very hard for me and stressful; however, I had gotten to the point where when God pricked my heart again, and I was able to actually hear him this time – loud and clear. He said – STOP and LISTEN, and at that point, I had no strength to continue going on my own, so I gave in – and it has been the most awesome experience of my life!