This past weekend was a challenge hearing about and working with people who operated very strongly from their mind at the detriment of their well being. When we visit homeless camps and talk with individuals as we are walking around visiting, the one thing that is mentioned over and over is how precious someone’s time is to them. Most people walk by and don’t say hi, much less even look at them in the eye. I am guilty of this as well. There have been times when I walk out of a store, I see someone at the entrance or in the parking lot asking for money. I figure if I look down or out in the distance and keep walking – if I don’t make eye contact with them, then they won’t ask me and I can go about my day.
For some, it is about the money; however, for most, it is about the time. My immediate response these days is to look at them when walking by and letting them know that I do not give money – but if they would like, I can buy them a meal and sit down and talk with them to see what resources they may need that I may have a connection to. When I don’t have the time to do that, I ask them if they have heard of Oak City Cares in downtown Raleigh, that the bus will take them there and they have access to whatever resource they are in need of. I typed up and printed out small slips of paper that have the information for Oak City Cars on it to hand out in those cases. Looking at them, acknowledging them and caring about them as a person makes a huge difference – even if all they are looking for is money.
Giving them money is short-term assistance. I am more interested in giving long-term assistance – my time to listen and offer any assistance and connections that I can and to keep in touch with them to see how they are doing. I currently have 23 names and numbers in my phone, all that end with – Outreach, so I can quickly find them and touch base with them to see how they are doing.
Community – that is something that our culture is missing. We used to have community 30+ years ago; however, with technology and social media, most of that community for individuals below 30, now exists online. The online community allows us to hide behind a computer screen and pretend to be something that we are not. What we don’t realize is that a good portion of what we see online is posted from someone hiding behind a facade and sharing how they want life to be, not what actually is. Many times, we don’t know who we are really talking with online. All that is seen is a picture and a username, both which could be fake.
When life is really hard in reality, we can escape that and bury ourselves in an online fantasy life. In our minds, we feel alone inside and crave the false acceptance that the online community gives us. It’s like a drug and captures us. I’ve seen the grip this has on individuals within my family, my extended family and in others. When the online community is restricted or taken away, I have witnessed the individual going through withdrawals, becoming very angry and destructive.
For those over 30, the community they grew up knowing is fading away. Something has happened in their life – they lost a job, started having health issues, went through a divorce, lost someone close to them. They tried to get through it on their own and it seemed like bad things just kept happening and with each downward turn in life, their depression and anxiety rose. Before they knew it, they were on the street without a home. It’s just temporary, they think. Days go by and then weeks. Weeks turn into months and months turn into years. They adapt to their new surroundings. They find others and build a bond looking out for one another. The environment is challenging; however, they have a community – something that they did not have when they first started going through life’s challenges. As wonderful as their new community is, it is full of habits detrimental to their health and well being – alcohol and drugs. Individuals reach out to them, but there has to be a catch, they want something from them, or they are just handing them things. No relationship is built. They don’t feel like anyone really cares about them. They are on their own, and have adapted to this new lifestyle. Drinking and drugs takes the pain away from what they believe – that they are all alone and no one cares about them.
As I get to know individuals who are living on the street, when I sit with them and listen, give them a hug, or do something as simple as wash their clothes, I am asked – why do you care? What is so special about me that you come and visit or wash my clothes? They feel a heart connection. They feel love – and there are tears. It takes time – a lot of time and patience, to begin to unravel all the pain they have buried inside, and it comes out with anger and frustration at times. Sometimes it can be hard to reconcile why someone reacts in anger and frustration when we feel that we are showing them love and acceptance. Buried pain is hard to begin to unravel and can leave us feeling very vulnerable. No matter how much love and acceptance is received, if a trigger is hit that begins to open up the pain they had buried, we can be met with anger and frustration, not matter what our intentions are.
In both of these situations – in the younger generation that is addicted to a false, online community as an escape, and the older generation who have experienced life’s hardships and a loss of community, there is a huge sense of being all alone and the strong desire to watch out for themselves as no one really cares about them. They withdraw into their mind and begin to lose grip within their heart. We need to bring back a community of individuals caring and loving one another within healthy boundaries. Come join us as we continue to build this community!